Domestic Violence Series for October 29, 2020 "Dynamics of Domestic Violence That Are Unhealthy for Children" S19 P3B

[Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD]

Domestic Violence Series (Part 3)

Effects of Domestic Violence on Children Victims/Witness Continued:

B. Dynamics of Domestic Violence That Are Unhealthy for Children: - (Part 3B)

• Control of family by one dominant member.
• Abuse of a parent.
• Isolation.
• Protecting the "family secret"

C. Ways Domestic Violence Effects Children

Children react to their environment in different ways, and reactions can vary depending on the child's gender and age. Children exposed to family violence are more likely to develop social, emotional, psychological and or behavioral problems than those who are not. Recent research indicates that children who witness domestic violence show more anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, anger and temperament problems than children who do not witness violence in the home. The trauma they experience can show up in emotional, behavioral, social and physical disturbances that effect their development and can continue into adulthood.

Some potential effects:

1. Emotional

• Grief for family and personal losses.
• Shame, guilt, and self-blame.
• Confusion about conflicting feelings toward parents.
• Fear of abandonment, or expressing emotions, the unknown or personal injury
• Grief for family and personal losses.
• Shame, guilt, and self-blame.
• Confusion about conflicting feelings
• Anger
• Depression and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.
• Embarrassment.

2. Behavioral

• Acting out or withdrawing.
• Aggressive or passive.
• Refusing to go to school.
• Care taking; acting as a parent substitute.
• Lying to avoid confrontation.
• Rigid defenses.
• Excessive attention seeking.
• Bedwetting and nightmares.
• Out of control behavior.
• Reduced intellectual competency.
• Manipulation, dependency, mood swings.

 3. Social

• Isolation from friends and relatives.
• Stormy relationships.
• Difficulty in trusting, especially adults.
• Poor anger management and problem solving skills.
• Excessive social involvement to avoid home.
• Passivity with peers or bullying.
• Engaged in exploitative relationships as perpetrator or victim.

4. Physical

• Somatic complaints, headaches and stomachaches.
• Nervous, anxious, short attention span.
• Tired and lethargic.
• Frequently ill.
• Poor personal hygiene.
• Regression in development.
• High risk play.
• Self abuse

D.  How Parents Can Help Their Children Heal From the Effects of Domestic Violence

Children who have been exposed to domestic violence and abuse needs love and care. Nurturing children from abusive homes can bring healing to their lives. In giving needed love and care to children, it is important for a parent to reflect these essentials:

• Trust and Respect: Acknowledge children's right to have their own feelings, friends, activities and opinions. Promote independence, allow for privacy and respect their feelings for the other parent. Believe in them.
• Provide Emotional Security: Talk and act so children feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves. Be gentle. Be dependable.
• Provide Physical Security: Provide healthy food, safe shelter and appropriate clothing. Teach personal hygiene and nutrition. Monitor safety. Maintain a family routine. Attend to wounds.
• Provide Discipline: Be consistent; ensure that rules are appropriate to age and development of the child. Be clear about limits and expectations. Use discipline to give instruction, not to punish.
• Give Time: Participate in your children's lives, in their activities, school, sports, special events, celebrations and friends. Include your children in your activities. Reveal who you are to your children.
• Encourage and Support: Be affirming. Encourage children to follow their interests. Let children disagree with you. Recognize improvement. Teach new skills. Let them make mistakes.
• Give Affection: Express verbal and physical affection. Be affectionate when your children are physically or emotionally hurt.
• Care for Yourself: Give yourself personal time. Keep yourself healthy. Maintain friendships. Accept love

 

PDF version of DV Series S19, Oct 29, 2020

Click below for previous sessions:

PDF version of DV Series S1, June 25, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S2, July 2, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S3, July 9, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S4, July 16, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S5, July 23, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S6, July 30, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S7, August 6, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S8, August 13, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S9, August 20, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S10, August 27, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S11, Sept 3, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S12, Sept 10, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S13, Sept 17, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S14, Sept 24, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S15, Oct 1, 2020 

PDF version of DV Series S16, Oct 8, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S17, Oct 15, 2020

PDF version of DV Series S18, Oct 22, 2020 

Next section  posted  will  be  “Domestic  Violence  Series” – Section X – Part 3C –  “Effects  of  Domestic  Violence  on  Children Victims/Witness – Age Specific Effects of Domestic Violence on Children” on Thursday, November 5^th.

Peace be unto you and your family,

Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks