Emotional Healing Series - Part 1D for October 27, 2012

[Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD]

Emotional Healing Through Dealing with Past Issues – Part 1D

October 27, 2012

NOTE: REMEMBER, as previously stated, this series was written on October 1st and God has delivered me since then; I wrote it as it was given to me at that time!

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I would like to stop here and give you a brief definition of the four styles of communication which I referred to previously as passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive from www.serentyonlinetherapy.com – to read more about these communication styles, click web site link:

1.  Passive Communication is a style in which individuals have developed a pattern of avoiding expressing their  opinions or feelings, protecting their rights, and identifying and meeting their needs. Passive communication is usually born of low self-esteem. These individuals believe: “I’m not worth taking care of.” As a result, passive individuals do not respond overtly to hurtful or anger-inducing situations. Instead, they allow grievances and annoyances to mount, usually unaware of the buildup. But once they have reached their high tolerance threshold for unacceptable behavior, they are prone to explosive outbursts, which are usually out of proportion to the triggering incident. After the outburst, however, they feel shame, guilt, and confusion, so they return to being passive.

 

2.  Aggressive Communication is a style in which individuals express their feelings and opinions and advocate for their needs in a way that violates the rights of others. Thus, aggressive communicators are verbally and/or physically abusive. Aggressive communication is born of low self-esteem (often caused by past physical and/or emotional abuse), unhealed emotional wounds, and feelings of powerlessness.

3.  Passive-Aggressive Communication is a style in which individuals appear passive on the surface but are really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way. Prisoners of War (POWs) often act in passive-aggressive ways to deal with an overwhelming lack of power. POWs may try to secretly sabotage the prison, make fun of the enemy, or quietly disrupt the system while smiling and appearing cooperative. People who develop a pattern of passive-aggressive communication usually feel powerless, stuck, and resentful – in other words, they feel incapable of dealing directly with the object of their resentments. Instead, they express their anger by subtly undermining the object (real or imagined) of their resentments. They smile at you while setting booby traps all around you.

 

4.  Assertive Communication is a style in which individuals clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others. Assertive communication is born of high self-esteem. These individuals value themselves, their time, and their emotional, spiritual, and physical needs and are strong advocates for themselves while being very respectful of the rights of others. Assertiveness allows us to take care of ourselves, and is fundamental for good mental health and healthy relationships. In order help with assertiveness, click here to learn about setting healthy boundaries.

God is teaching me how to be more assertive; and you too through this teaching. I want to live the abundant life Jesus died for me to live; the amazing life – the God best life!! Therefore, I am giving in and saying “Okay Lord, here I am; reveal to me what issues I need to deal with and deliver me, no matter how bad it hurt.” God let me knew I was not alone and that I am in a safe place! God is with us!!

 

Emotional Healing Series - Part 1E will be posted by October 28, 2012

God's Servant,

Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks