God Wants Us In Healthy Relationships!! Part 1

[Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD]

                       

There is a great message in the poem by Janette Ikz “I Will Wait For You” and I totally agree with it!!! We better wait on God before we get into a relationship with another person; ANY relationship – therefore in this message I am talking about marriage relationships and friendships – whereas Janette is talking about marriage relationship!!!

God asked a question in Amos 3:3 to the Israelites “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” (biblegateway.com – NKJV).  The Message Bible version states it like this “Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?” The answer is NO!!! There is power in agreement (Matt 18:20) so we have to make sure we have the right person walking with us hand in hand so they will be able to agree with us!!!

God knows the heart of every person who comes in our lives; He knows their underlying purpose so that is the reason we need to wait on Him to connect us with the right people BEFORE we enter the marriage relationship or friendship!!! We have to be careful who and what we connect ourselves with!! We must trust in the Lord with ALL our hearts, lean not to our own understanding and acknowledge God in ALL our ways and He will direct our path (Proverbs 3:5-8)!!!

Dr. Myles Munroe said something years ago that stuck with me, "When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable!" In other words, if the person we are connected to does not know our purpose (if we are not connected to them by the Spirit) they will eventually abuse us!! That statement also means if we do not know our own purpose, we will abuse ourselves and accept whatever comes our way just for the sake of love or friendship!!

The only way we are ever going to really know someone is by the Holy Spirit!! We cannot know someone naturally; we all have an old nature and that old nature wants to still reign and rule! People can put on a front when they first meet us but they CANNOT fool the Holy Spirit!!! We need to listen to the Holy Spirit as the person is speaking and we will know exactly where the person is coming from! The Bible says, out of the abundance of the heart the mouth will speak (Luke 6:45) so what is in a man will eventually come out and!!

Once we accept Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior, we are to allow the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us - not do the same thing or allow the old nature to be in control! Knowing someone by the flesh (old nature) does not build relationships it only feeds the flesh and profits nothing spiritually!! Therefore we must allow God to direct us to the people He wants to put us with for His purpose!!

Let me stop a minute to clarify: I am not saying be suspicious of people who wants a relationship with you; I am saying allow God to speak to you about the person and don’t be so desperate to be in a relationship or to have friends that you will dismiss what God is revealing to you about the person – God WILL give you revelations about a person naturally – they will automatically happen!! I know it happens to me; now I listen when God reveal to me who people are before they can come into my life!! I use to say, “God no they are not like that, they love me” or “they are my friend!” How could I tell God, the One who knows a person’s heart, their motives, that person was this way or that way? Because I wanted to be loved and I wanted a friend so I allowed myself to go through unnecessary abuse by people who I valued more than I valued myself!! But now, I listen when God warns me about a person and I know we are not compatible and move on! I love them with the love of God but that does not mean I have to hang out with them or allow them in my inner circle, especially since God already let me know what their motives are!! I don’t have to ask God about a person; He lets me know automatically while I am in a conversation with them whether or not they are people He wants me to be connected with!!

I have learned through years of abuse from 7 marriages and umpteen so-called friendships, that connecting with the wrong person will cause many heartaches, headaches (among other things) and cause you to lose your identity; you will conform to who they want you to be instead of who God called you to be – there are dire consequences in connecting with the wrong people – I almost lost my life by hooking up with the wrong people – if God would not have rescued me when He did I would either be dead and in hell, in a mental institution, or in prison for homicide – this is no joke!!! I have made up in my mind that I will NEVER EVER lower my standards to get a man or become anyone's friend!!! I know I am valuable and I am a woman of worth because God has fearfully and wonderfully made me; I am made in God’s own image!!! I will not devalue myself by getting in wrong relationships!!! I don't know who people are who try to come into my life but the Holy Spirit in me does and He will definitely let me know even before I get involve in a relationship who the person is spiritually!!! Thank God for the Gift of Discernment!!! My relationship with God means more to me than ANY other relationship and I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO COME BETWEEN ME AND GOD!!!

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In His Service,

Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks