QUARRELS ,GURDGES AND NAGGING IN MARRIAGE

[Innocent Uchenna Simeon]

                               QUARREL, GRUDGES AND NAGGING IN MARRIAGE .

No marraige sails on smooth waters the whole time ; there are bound to come waves and storms . The reason for this is not far-fatched in marriage, two worlds are united , bringing together not only their fair weather and sunshine, but also their storms and blizzards. So do not be surprised when quarrels arise in your marriage. You are bound to have annoyance, differences, disagreements, disputes ,disappointment and tensions. Generally these can and should be weathered easily and quickly. When of them a safety valves which are perfectly healthy when regarded that way.

  Settle these quarrels as quickly as you can, and within your house-hold. Once they begin to get to other people , they are bound to be exaggerated and cause you embarrassment. Since each partner is bound to be the cause of quarrels or tensions, each should be ready to forgive the other partner who, on the other hand , should apologise. Observing a period of silence following a eruption, can be a wonderful way of creating the right atmosphere for the resumption of good relationship, and for overcoming the tension. But of course, each itemmust handled according to its seriouss. Bedtime is one of the best periods to settle family storms, when you have

had time to steam of or to be with other people  whose presence makes you cheer up and momentarily forget that you were angry or annoyed.

 Praying together  is another time and way of settling your differences, and of seeking God's help to overcome whatever brings about the tensions. Before God you plead for forgiveness which presupposes the forgiveness of your partner orneighbour ( and of yourself ) .

Grudges arise out of unforgiveness. Family quarrels should not be allowed to turn into grudges , as these poison your soul and love for each other .Once you have forgiven your partnerf, then let that be the end: do  not keep a list of offences commtted against you ny your partner - you are not a police officer, neither is your partner a criminal.

Some people are sensitivee to being blamed or having partners constantly find fault with them. The habit of finding faults with or blaming one's partner ( or someone else ) is nagging . It can reach such a pitch as to disrupt your family life .If you find a serious fault in your partner , you can mention it in a good , quiet and friendly way, so as to aviod the attitude of condemnation and blame . The same applies to your Children. You can also overlook other minor faults, from time to time , and accept your partner as he or she is . With time , some of the causes of the faults will disappear, and you will also get used to others.

Physical force should never be made a means of settling family quarrels. I know that in many marriages, both in Africa and elsewhere, the husband beats the wife as a ways of settling a quarrel or punishing her . This method is very unfair, inhuman, one side and lacking in love. If you are going to beat your wife when she is at fault, then in all fairnessshe should beat up when you are at fault . That way ths would be a just method but even then it would be too inhuman in my judgement. Beating the wife when she is pregnant is extremely dangerous and could easily lead to a miscarriage or death. Furthermore , it hurts the children physically to see you beating their mother ( or father, if he lets the wife do it ) - it is shocking to them, it makes them feel that you do not love each other properly, and it gives them a poor example of married life. it is humiliation for the parents and even the children feel  ashamed of it and may join in the fight. Such fights often ruin a marriage and end uo in divorce, plus all the physical damage that could arise from them, such as whenf the wife bites off her husband's ear or finger in retaliation or self-defence !

Every marital quarrel can be settled without recourse to physical fighting. You should reslve to settle these storms of marriage, though love and forgiveness, without letting them reach the point of becoming volcanic eruptions.