Kingdom Keys: Establishing Your Boundaries in Relationships

[Donna Ghanney]

By Donna Wortham, CEO Kingdom Empowerment, Inc.

Establishing professional and personal boundaries in your relationships business, ministry, family, and friends can be a quality and dynamic tool for women to be successful in all things.  It can be thought of as a cumbersome task if you find yourself in awkward positions at times, that does not leave much opportunity to think about what boundaries you would like to, and can establish to relate at a given time.

Often times, Christian women are put to the test with intolerable and rude comments that may be received from pushy individuals, especially when they feel an individual do not know how to handle the conflict.

Your environment and internal design is similar to the Trinity, and structure of the Tabernacle
outlined by God in the Holy Bible.  Our environment exist of what is outside and inside our body, soul, and spirit.  God has created us in His likeness. God has given you an outline for His Kingdom, including your capabilities. Therefore, you will need to learn your body, soul, and spirit’s strengths and weaknesses, opportunities, and threats to gather  complete analysis of how you can prevent intrusion into your boundaries once you establish them based on Kingdom Keys.

The following Kingdom Keys have been identified to help empower you with quality and unique boundaries for your daily life in the Kingdom of God:

One – Self-Awareness or Self-Consciousness

First start by identifying the areas where you feel you are being invaded on in your professional
and personal environment.  Women face many areas and struggles with establishing boundaries,
especially when there is not much time in the day to understand the areas where they are being
penetrated.

Who, What, When, Where and How can help you to define the intrusion. How do you feel when someone is coming into your territory to trouble you?  Why does it make you feel that way?  Do you feel like it is an attack on you emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually? It could be all.  Do you feel that your territory is being invaded on purpose?  Now if it was painful, as Christians we will want to let go and forgive to move forward with developing qualified boundaries.  Do you feel threatened or being taken advantage of? Are you mentally or physically abused?  Answering some of these questions are just a few details to help you identify and prevent an intruder from controlling you in the future.

Take time to think it out well, and write your answers down under each column of the sample templates available. These templates are available also in pdf and xls format under Ministry Tools atKingdom Empowerment Magazine’s website.

See the below examples to find out how easy it is for you to define your own self-awareness.

Kingdom Key: Self-Awareness Factor, Template by Donna Wortham, Life Coach, MPM, Author, Business Intelligence Sales Specialist

Kingdom Keys: Self-Awareness Guideline by Donna Wortham, Life Coach, MPM, Author, Business Intelligence Sales Specialist

Two – Examine Your Strengths

What strengths do you have to secure your external and internal environment?  Some common strengths you may have as a Christian may be your relationship with God, your ability to pray to God, your study of the Holy Bible, and your access to the Holy Spirit.  Other strengths could be your access to Godly wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. You are still living and breathing to make an adjustment to your lifestyle and boundaries.  You may have a relationship network to fellowship that can encourage and strengthen you with Godly council or wisdom. You are more than able to overcome the whelms of the intruder.  You have now discovered who your intruder or intruders are.  Your senses are active to be able to see, hear, smell, taste, and feel the spirit of the intruder.  Practice coming up with as many strengths that you can, so that you can establish strong boundaries.  Positively you will be capable of setting boundaries to defeat the enemy in any environment.

Three – Examine Your Weaknesses

Typical weaknesses may be the fear that may have set in for a period of time when all of  your boundaries were down.  You may have been trying to fight the battle alone in which can make you feel tired and defeated.  You may have felt that you did not have anyway out of facing your intruder.  Allowing the thought of having to see or hear from your intruder may make you feel very uncomfortable at present, but you can overcome these emotions.  There are many other weaknesses that you may want to list.

Four – Examine Your Opportunities

One opportunity you may have access to is being assertive.  You may not have said anything at times when your environment was being invaded, but you may have thought about it many times.  Usually when you have had time to think about it, you would have come up with a good comeback that would have established a boundary. Now you only have to put it into practice.   Another opportunity is to consider yourself, and your best interest.  Think about opportunities you have available that are logical. For instance, one person may be thinking about leaving their job because of a form of harassment. You have to look at all of your avenues such as is there a way to remedy the situation where you are, consider your finances, consider your longevity,  consider your retirement, and many more other factors.  In most cases, boundaries can be established to remedy any situation.

Five – Examine Possible Threats

Threats are things that you fear that you may experience after you have defined your boundaries to the intruder that is invading your environment at any given time. Will you be able to overcome the feelings and sometime emotional trauma that it has caused afterward.  In most cases you will.  You have to know that you are valuable and worth defeating your intruder just for your well being.  Your peace, joy, and happiness is threatened if you do not pursue your boundaries and keeping them.  Think about other threats that you consider of importance to succeed any invasions.  God will be with you every step of the way.

Take time to think it out well, and write your answers down under each column of the sample templates available. These templates are available in pdf and xls format under Ministry Tools atKingdom Empowerment Magazine’s website.

Kingdom Keys: Defining Your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, a...by Donna Wortham, Life Coach, MPM, Author, Business Intelligence Sales Specialist

Six – Study Your Bible Regulary

The Holy Bible is the greatest weapon you have access to empower and equip you against any works of the enemy.  The Word of God can strengthen you and increase your faith to stand with your boundaries in every season and with no matter who you have to face. There are times God will relate to you through scripture about given situations. Take advantage of the Greatest tool available to women.  Studying the Holy Bible is a must, in order to be equipped and empowered for all challenges in life.

Seven -  Be Consistent In Prayer

Your communication with God will be a viable asset to your empowerment to establish qualifying boundaries.  He can provide you with inspired wisdom, knowledge, and understanding that no one else will be able to provide you with at given times.  Of course, prayer with others also will help you.  A prayerful support network will also receive insight from God to help you along your  journey in developing your boundaries.

Eight – Define Your Environment

Your environment is a makeup of your body, soul, and spirit.  It affects you physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  So the intruder at times will try to penetrate each area.  It is important for you to be well equipped to have quality limitations to each area of your environment.

Kingdom Keys: Defining Body, Soul, and Spirit Support Aid by Donna Wortham, Life Coach, MPM, Author, Business Intelligence Sales Specialist

A women is made up of the body, soul, and inner-spirit according to the Holy Bible. First Thessalonians 5:23 says, “The God of peace Himself sanctify you wholly, and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete.”  Also the Apostle Paul wrote in Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and operative and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing even to the dividing of soul and spirit and of joints and marrow, and able to discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” The Holy Bible also tells us God our Abba Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are considered as one entity although they can be comprised individually as one each.

Your body or flesh is a touchy and sensitive area that is vulnerable to many physical aspects.  So it can be tied to the physical part of your establishment of boundaries.  For instance how close do you want someone to get to your body.  Your body is what allows you to communicate with the physical world.  Therefore it must play a role in the interpretation of your limitations.

Your soul is a make up of your emotions and mental function of the mind.  If someone was to pinch your body it would activate you soulish realm.  You would express either a bad emotion, or a good forgiving emotion. You can consider how it would affects your soulish realm and determine what type of boundaries you want around it. Having a clear understanding of your senses can help you to remain intellectually sound when an intruder is in your midst to set the boundaries you define.

Your inner-spirit affects the spiritual nature of your boundary settings. There is a difference between the Holy Spirit and the human spirit. Romans 8:16 shows us that the spirit of man is different from the Holy Spirit; the two are not the same. “The Spirit Himself witnesses with our spirit that we are children of God.”  It has a lot to do with your worship and fellowship with God, your conceptual thinking, and your connection with God.  Of course the intruders would like to prevent or stop your communion so that he can continue to invade your territory freely.  Once you have a clear understanding of the necessity of our inner-man spirit having boundaries that will protect you spiritually, you will be able to define them concisely.  The inner-spirit is also spoken of as the heart of man.  Once the Holy Spirit of God is connect with your inner-man spirit there is a release of power that will cause the intruder to flee and fear your newly defined boundaries.

Follow the below Kingdom Keys: Defining Your Environment as an exercise to help define your body, soul, and spirit.

Kingdom Keys: Defining Your Body, Soul, and Spirit Guideline by Donna Wortham, Life Coach, MPM, Author, Business Intelligence Sales Specialist

Nine- Increase Your Covenant with God

The Holy Bible also tells us just as God our Abba Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are considered as one entity although they can be comprised individually as three.  Take time to read, pray and seek Him daily.  Set time aside before sleeping to talk with God intimately.  Ask Him to communicate back to you and reveal Himself to you more and more.  In the areas you are considered as being weak, press in more with your prayers, Bible studies, and relationship building with God.

Ten – Establish Your Boundaries

Now that you have taken time to define your self-awareness, strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats that are a hindrance to your environment, it is time to establish boundaries where you want them to be.  You will now, prayerfully consider how you will assertively show and inform your intruder of you boundaries for your body, soul, and inner-spirit.  This will protect your well being emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

The below guidelines can give you a jumpstart on defining your boundaries.

Kingdom Keys: Defining Your Boundaries Guideline by Donna Wortham, Life Coach, MPM, Author, Business Intelligence Sales Specialist

Boundaries in relationships is an intricate part of your well being for an empowered life.  Don’t miss out on getting equipped to have an enjoyable and peaceful life with defined boundaries.

To learn more about Defining Your Boundaries, visit Kingdom Empowerment Magazine, founded by Donna Wortham at http://kemagazine.wordpress.com

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