The Marriage Covenant

[Maryanne Winder Lester]

The Marriage Covenant

The other day as I was reading the book of Genesis, I found something that I had never noticed before.
Genesis 1:4, “And God saw the light, that it was good.” Genesis 1:10, “And God saw that it was good.” Genesis 1:12, “And God saw that it was good.” Genesis 1:18, “And God saw that it was good.” Genesis 1:21, “And God saw that it was good.” Genesis 1:25, And God saw that it was good.” Genesis 1:31, “Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good.” Genesis 2:18, “And the Lord God said, 'It is not good.'” HALT! WAIT! What's this? God said something was not good? The entire verse of Genesis 2:18 is this, “And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'” All of God's creations were good, including man. What wasn't good was that man was alone and had no helper, no woman to be his companion. God had created all animals, including Adam out of the ground. It was after this that God knew there was no suitable companion for Adam from all the other creatures He had created. But when He created Adam's companion, He made her from Adam's flesh. And Adam called her woman, because she came from man. So, even at the very moment God created Eve, she was already a part of Adam. And also note this: it wasn't Adam who asked for a helper or companion. It was God who said this! Adam had been busy tending the garden by himself and walking alone with God. He had become settled in his oneness with God. We should also consider this as a lesson. Until we establish ourselves in a personal relationship with God, we are not yet ready for our companion, our spouse. Our spouse is a gift from God, just as Eve was a gift to Adam. If we let God choose our spouse, He will choose the one that is comparable to us; the one that will compliment and complete us.
Marriage is not a contract between a man and a woman. It is a covenant between a man, a woman and God. So, what is a covenant and how is it different from a contract? A covenant is a commitment until death. A contract is a guarantee between 2 parties, written on a piece of paper, and usually includes an end date when the terms of the contract have been fulfilled. A contract is witnessed by man, a covenant is witnessed by God. Marriage is the only covenant in the Bible that allows two people to be perfectly joined in all areas of life, from the physical to the spiritual. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Where else but in marriage can we find such sacredness and dignity placed together? A contract just isn't the same!
Dr. Myles Munroe teaches that King Solomon knew the foundation for all relationships including the covenant of Marriage. In Proverbs 24:3-4, Solomon writes, “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” God gives us knowledge, wisdom and understanding but we must be willing to receive these through daily prayer and devotion. And He instructs us to “Love one Another.” Just the very fact that we chose to marry should be proof that we love each other. But it takes a lot more than love to make a marriage work! Many marriages fail because either the husband or wife or both lack knowledge, wisdom and understanding, even when they love each other. Christian marriages are not immune from these failures!
Marriage is not a human institution. It is not a religious ceremony. It is part of God's divine plan for creation. And, since it was created by God, He and only He has the right to tell us what marriage consists of. If man had invented it, marriage would have included the possibility of pre-marital contracts and divorce. Even the structure of marriage would have been different, such as same-sex marriage, multiple spouse marriage, and even no need for couples to be married at all. But wait again. These are the types of marriages that the world is now trying to say are acceptable. The world is trying to change this sacred covenant created by God. God did not tell Adam to have Eve sign a contract in case things didn't work out so they would know how to divide the garden. Nor, did He tell Adam to stay with Eve just until it got too tough to handle. He did not create another Adam for Adam, He did not create a series of Eves for Adam, nor did He simply tell Adam to live with Eve. He formed and witnessed a covenant between Adam, Eve and Himself. That covenant was marriage!
I want to take a moment to discuss Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” There is so much written into that one verse. The Bible does not say that we should abandon our parents when we get married. The first part of this verse refers only to the relationship of marriage and leaving the past behind. We are no longer to consider ourselves as children and responsible to our parents, but rather we become responsible for them. Prior to marriage, our closest relationship is with our parents. Once married, God instructs us that our closest human relationship will be with our spouse. The order of of our relationships changes. In the covenant of marriage, the order becomes God first, spouse second, self third and all other relationships come after that, including parents. The covenant of marriage is so sacred that it is like the Trinity. Father, Son (Word) and Holy Ghost are God, husband and wife. It is from our parents that we learn our values, attitudes and influences. We are dependent on them for guidance, discipline and financial support. In the covenant of marriage, we are to break these bonds of dependence and establish our own ways and means of support. We are to discipline ourselves and find guidance from God and God alone. It is not always easy to break these pre-marital bonds. Dependence is a difficult relationship to sever. Sometimes it can be painful. It's ok for your parents to give you advice after you are married. But it is not ok to let them dominate your decisions. Your marriage is not your parents marriage. It is God's sacred, distinct and personal creation just for you and your God-chosen spouse. And, this part of the verse does not refer only to leaving your parents. It also means that you must leave any other past relationships that may interfere with your marriage. This might even include old friends, jobs, affiliations, and hobbies to name a few things. Paul wrote in his first letter to the Corinthians, 13:11, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." Children are not ready for marriage. It takes a man and a woman who have reached maturity for a successful union to happen. In other words, your marriage is to become the only relationship that matters because it is the only relationship that is sacred to God. In Matthew 18:20 Jesus says, “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” When you are in the covenant of marriage, God is always there with you.
The second part of Genesis 2:24 says, “And be joined to his wife.” (NKJV), “And shall cleave unto his wife.” (KJV). In the marriage covenant, a husband and wife are a “we,” not just a “you and me.” A “cleaving” cannot occur until the “leaving” part of the instruction has been accomplished. Several definitions of “cleave” include, “to remain faithful in spite of persecution,” “to strengthen,” and “to stick to.” In the covenant of marriage, a husband and wife are so securely “stuck to” each other that they are inseparable. And when they are joined, they are strengthened and remain together despite worldly interference. Their unity becomes stronger than both of them as individuals had been. Thus Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man not separate.” This was not a suggestion made by Jesus, it was a command and an instruction. Personally, I am very glad that this scripture is included in the marriage vows. It is a sign of commitment to each other and God, who was the author of the scripture. I recently read an article (author unknown) comparing modern marriage to the first marriage. In the first marriage of Adam and Eve, God gave them a garden to tend together. They were instructed to tend this garden together according to God's laws. In modern marriage, we have the same responsibilities. If we do not tend our garden, (marriage), together according to God's laws, it will produce an abundant and bountiful harvest of ugly weeds including frustration, unhappiness and pain. If Godly principles do not rule a marriage, sinful ones will! I spoke before about what Dr. Myles Munroe taught concerning love. And although love must be present between husband and wife in the covenant of marriage, it is not part of the actual foundation of marriage. But, there is one type of love, without which a marriage covenant cannot exist. That is the love of Christ! True love is the love of Christ and it is totally unconditional and unselfish. Husband and wife become part of each other and not each other's possessions. Christlike love gives and does not take. When a husband and wife are joined in the covenant of marriage, the husband gives of himself, those things that the wife needs, and vice versa. They become a complete package. Like puzzle pieces, they complete each other by fulfilling each others needs, unselfishly. The love of Christ is the cement that joins the husband and wife together. Only the love of Christ bonds the marriage in covenant.
Now for the third part of Genesis 2:24, “and they shall become one flesh.” First they leave, then they cleave and after this, the husband and wife are so bonded that they become one entity in the covenant of marriage with God. They become one flesh. As I stated before, marriage is much like the Trinity. The husband is the Word of God, (Jesus), and the wife is the Holy Spirit. It takes both to create a new life. Many consider this portion of the verse to mean the sexual union of a husband and wife. Although this is indeed part of the meaning, there is much more. God is the great Creator! When a husband and wife lie together and a new life is created in the covenant of marriage, only God has produced that new life. It is never accidental or by chance. God speaks to Jeremiah in chapter 1:4-5, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you.” To Isaiah in chapter 49:1, God speaks of Himself, “The Lord has called Me from the womb; from the matrix of My mother He has made mention of My name.” In Genesis 25:21, “Now Isaac pleaded with the Lord for his wife, because she was barren; and the Lord granted his plea, and Rebekah his wife conceived.” God creates the child and gives that child His characteristics and traits, the same as He created Adam and Eve in His image. Through the husband and wife, new flesh is born. It is God who creates the new life in that flesh. And this new life has been with God since before the beginning of time, awaiting it's fleshly birth. Eve was created by God from the rib of Adam. She was created directly from Adam's flesh. Upon Eve's creation, she became one flesh with Adam, “Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.” And Eve was not created from Adam's head to rule over him, or from his feet to be beneath him. She was created from his rib to walk beside him. In the covenant of marriage, this is how we are to treat each other, because we are both part of the same body, the same bone, the same flesh. Just like the hand will do no harm to the foot because they are of one body, in the covenant of marriage, the husband and wife will do no harm to each other as they are also of one flesh. Because marriage is a covenant with God, what you do to your spouse, you also do to God. Love your spouse and you love God, honor your spouse and you honor God, because He is the One who joined you. Be unfaithful to your spouse and you are unfaithful to God. Be angry at your spouse and you are angry at God, for He is the One who joined you. There are strict repercussions for the husband who mistreats his wife. God spoke through Malachi when Israel could not understand why God no longer accepted their offerings or heard their prayers. In Malachi 2:13-15, “You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.” This is the verse that solidifies the fact that marriage is indeed a covenant under God. We are to take care of each other. And, we are to love like Him, live like Him and lead like Him in our marriages as well as in all aspects of our lives.
Have you ever noticed how your parents or grandparents or other older married couples think alike, talk alike, act alike and sometimes even look alike? This is a perfect example of the covenant of marriage under God. Through the trials and tribulations, the joys and the blessings they have experienced together during their years of marriage under Christ, they have become one. Leaving, cleaving and becoming one flesh do not happen instantaneously. It is a process that continues throughout the marriage. For those of us in a covenant with God, this is one of the greatest blessings of all.
In closing, Ephesians 5:22 instructs the wife: “Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:25 instructs the husband: “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” When this togetherness is established through Christ, the marriage covenant is present. The Bible is the manual to a successful, strong and happy marriage under Christ. Every single question you may have is answered in the scriptures. Follow these instruction and find your answers so that you may truly enjoy this covenant. 1 Peter 3:7 says, “Heirs together for the grace of life.” What a divine promise!

Maryanne Winder Lester 6/30/2010