THE SACRIFICE FOR MARRIAGE

[REV. AMB. DON N. ODUNZE JR]

THE SACRIFICE FOR MARRIAGE

BY PASTOR DON N. ODUNZE

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Success in marriage is not just a result of compatibility and marrying the will of God. Much of the success of a marriage depends on the commitment levels of the two people involved. Commitment here means the level of sacrifice you are willing to make in the interest of your family. How much risk you are willing to take and what kind of price can you pay for the comfort of your family.

Jesus paid with his life in order to keep his family (the church) comfortable. “Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husband, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” 

Until a man is willing to pay for his family, the sacrifices that Christ paid for the church, he is not ready for success in marriage. Until a woman is willing to humble herself under her husband as the church submits to Christ, success in marriage will remain a dream.

It takes a deliberate, conscious effort to make your marriage succeed. Marriage of itself is a happy union but what keeps you happy in it is what you bring into it. The ingredients you put into it makes it sweet or sour. 

As Sydrey J. Harris put it, “Marriage cannot make anyone  happier who does not bring the ingredients for happiness into it.” All marriages are happy. It is the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble. Every marriage is a package designed by God to give joy and rest to man but the ability to manage conflict will determine how long that rest will last.

The question now is, how much sacrifice are you willing to make in the interest of your family? Sacrifice in marriage can be measured in terms of:

1. Time
2. Priority in Economic spending
3. Priority in daily living

 

TIME:

Most people today complain that they do not have enough time to do all that they need to do. Businessmen, teachers, bankers, doctors, engineers, politicians and preachers all complain of “no-time”. It is so bad that some cannot even find time to attend to their health and spiritual life.

When God created the day and night, did he make a mistake in the allocation of hours to each day or is it that man has not been able to manage his time well? While some have enough time to do all they have to do for each given day, some do not.

What occupies your time is what you give priority. The things that are important to you will always have your time. No matter how busy you are, you give time to the things you want to give time to sacrifice is something that takes you out of your comfort zone. It is something that takes away your convenience. If there is any thing apart from God that should take the attention of your time, it is your family. We shall look at the SACRIFICE OF TIME from 3 different areas.

 

TIME SPENT:-

       How much time are you willing to spend with your sponse and family? Are you willing to cancel a business appointment in the interest of your family? Can you decide to spend your leisure hours with your family rather than playing golf or tennis at the club house? I know of a Pastor who abandoned the wife at the point of labour because he needed to be in a church meeting. The wife had a pastracted labour and lost the child. Of course, that marriage is history now. The things that mean more to you take more of your time. How come a businessman who is very busy finds time to spend with his concubine in a hotel room or even go on vacation while there is not enough time to play with his children in his parlor? If you want good success in your marriage, you must be willing to make the sacrifice of time.

1                   Time to play with your sponse and children

2                   Time to talk and discuss unimportant things

3                   Time to discover and live in the other person’s world

4                   Time to reveal who you are to them for better understanding.

5                   Time to enjoy the fruits of your labour with your family.

 

UNDIVIDED ATTENTION GIVEN

       From the time you sacrifice to be with your family, your individual attention is required. It is not just your presence but your attention that is needed. Some people are present at home, yet they are working. Do not carry your office work to the bedroom. Some teachers have turned their dining table to a place marking assignments and making continuous assessment of their students. In some homes, the dining table is an extension of the office; full of files and documents and even computers.

       If you are sacrificing your time for your family, then grant them your undivided attention while you are there. Your children need to get answers to their questions from you. Your wife needs to hear some words of admiration from you concerning her hair, complexion and dressing. Your children need a play field on your shoulder and back while your maids need to hear jokes from you that can crack their throat from laughter. The one that is feeling feverish or down with headache needs your tender touch and prayers. Your husband needs to hear you applaud his achievements and sing his praises. In the family, every one is seeking attention; and everyone should be given attention. Attention is the food that nourishes the body of the family.

 

ENERGY SPENT

       In sacrificing your time, as well as being present and giving attention to your family, you need to spend your energy in doing something that will make your family happy. If you have to get involved in another person’s world, you need to spend your energy doing some thing in their world. Playing with your sponse and children will demand your energy. To go shopping with your wife with you carrying the basket will demand your energy; getting involved with domestic chores demands your take your energy; talking needs your energy. Be willing to spend energy in the interest of your family. It is very profitable.

 

PRIORITY IN ECONOMIC SPENDING

       “Give the people these instructions, too, so that no one maybe open to blame. If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:7-8 (NIV)

       God is willing to bless men who give priority to their family in their economic spending because they are simple obeying the word of God. How much of your total budget goes to the family? It is unfortunate to say that some people spend more money on their friends for entertainment than they spend for their concubines than they spend on their wives just like some high class women do. Some men will not give pocket money to their children but they will give same to their secretaries and friend’s daughters. What a world. Some furnish their offices well while their homes look like a refuge camp. Some donate huge money to charities and churches but keep their families in starvation. This is wickedness. Is it a wonder that a man can spend money sleeping and entertaining friends in a luxury hotel while the school fees of the children are yet unpaid. Is it surprising that a woman is wearing the latest designer wears while the children go to school on worn-out school uniforms and torn school bags. While there is no milk to drink tea at home, there is more than enough for boardroom meetings at the office. How can a preacher spend thousands of naira on crusade posters and hand bills while the school fees of the children are yet unpaid and his wife has not received any good new dress for over six months. I called this, “misplaced priorities.

       Your business is simply God’s way of helping you meet your family needs. Business breakthrough or prosperity is God’s plan to sustain the welfare of the family and kingdom work. Any other thing that you use your money for is a selfish and wasteful endeavour. If you can afford it for your family, get it for them before any one else. Men spend money today buying recharge cards for concubines and not their wife nor children. God is watching.

       In spending for any capital project, the family should be given priority in consideration. If not, you will end up bringing trouble to your house.

       “He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only the wind… Prov. 11:29(NIV).

       How sweet it is to enjoy the fruits of your labour with your family. Economic spending in the interest of the family attracts God’s attention and blessings. Don’t you think you can do better for your family than you have done; not minding their inadequacies? Some times, you can sacrifice your personal convenience in order to make your sponse happy even though she may not appreciate the sacrifice. As Christ loved the church and gave himself, so we should love our wives. Don’t count the sins of your sponse or family before spending money in their interest. You cannot love your sponse and family enough without spending your money in their interest especially when you have to sacrifice your personal conveniences.

 

PRIORITY IN DAILY LIVING

       This refers to the place your sponse and family occupy in your daily routine. If you have to choose between your job and your family, which one will you choose? The answer to this question tells us where you stand with your family. If you are to choose between hurting a personal friend in the interest of your family and pleasing your friend but ignoring your family, which one will you take? If you are needed to travel with public transport and leave your car so your wife can use it for school runs; how willing are you to do so? Can you cancel a business meeting to be at the birthday party or graduation of your child? How willing are you to postpone your traveling in order to attend the P.T.A meeting of your child’s school?

       How willing are you to spend the whole day at the hospital waiting on your wife while she is in labour? Do you consider the interest of your family while planning to change your location of residence? As you leave your house in the morning, heading for your office, how much of your family is on your mind? While shopping, how much of your family do you think of? How peaceful is your mind when you travel and have not seen your family for over 24 hours? Do you forget them once you step out or do you miss their company?

       As for me, no suite in the best hotel of the world can be as comfortable as my bedroom. It is not the furnishing but the warmth that come from a relationship with my wife. “East or West, Home is the best,” for those that have a home.

       The price of a home is sacrifice. Are you willing to pay? A good home is not the product of wishes but calculated, deliberately made sacrifices.

       If you are willing, you can pay. It takes sacrifices to have a good family. As you make these sacrifices, I see God restoring your lost Glory. God will bless and prosper the works of your hand. Your family will become a reference point for God’s faithfulness. Every act of sacrifice attracts the attention of divinity. I see God responding to the needs of your family even beyond your expectations.